How can I help you?
Are you still running the special on black escape packages?
Oh, yes—through Election Day!
Perfect—can you tell me about the options?
Certainly. The basic package sends you to Afghanistan. You have your choice of a hut in a rural village, or an apartment in downtown Kabul. Everything you need is included, of course.
Even medical care?
Well—“everything” is a fluid term. But it still beats what you’re leaving. Am I right?
Don’t answer that! If Afghanistan doesn’t do it for you, our silver package sends you to 1960 Alabama! You get the full fire hose, German shepherd, firebombing, random lynching experience.
I know! And if you really want to splurge, we can send all the way back to 1860 Alabama! I don’t need to tell you what you’ll get there, do I?
No, not really.
Oh—and get this—all three trips now come with Make America Great Again hats!