Now I’d like to welcome Donald Trump’s newest surrogate—Jolene Smith from…Survivors of Peer Pressure for Trump. Did I get that name right?
Yes, Brooke— Survivors of Peer Pressure for Trump. Thanks for having me on.
And you’re here because…
Well, Brooke, I think we all saw yesterday how important it is to stand up to peer pressure.
I—I’m not following.
Right here on your network, Melania Trump revealed that Billy Bush is the real culprit here. Donald Trump is a victim of peer pressure.
Wait—what?
You must have seen it. Melania told Anderson Cooper how Billy Bush egged Mr. Trump on. Clearly he wouldn’t have said any of those vile comments without that kind of heavy peer pressure.
Wait, wait—hold on…Donald Trump was worried about what Billy Bush thought of him?
Obviously. Peer pressure is a hidden crisis in America. Do you understand how much people need to fit in? They’ll do anything to be part of the group.
Like brag about sexual assault?
Exactly! But it’s much worse. Richard Nixon…Jefferson Davis…Benedict Arnold—all great examples of patriotic Americans who succumbed to the evils of peer pressure.
So you’re saying—
Exactly. We need to build the wall. Oh—and Hillary’s crooked.
Of course.
Make America great again!