America–in a can! A whole box of America! And no wimpy cardboard here. These babies are boxed in wood at my local store! Wait–there’s more. You can even go to the Budweiser site and buy America stuff! What true patriot doesn’t want to sip on a cold America while sporting an America hat and an America t-shirt with an America patch and an America lapel pin? Of course, you’ve also got to have your America sweatshirt and USA scarf standing by in case you get a little chilly…in a manly American (non-wimpy-foreigner) kind of way.
You can even buy matching socks and shorts if your inner jingo–oops–patriot can handle red and white stripes without a printed reminder that you are, indeed, all in favor of America. I know, it’s a stretch. But, you know, that one stop shopping thing. That’s definitely American right there.
As for America the beer? Well, how could it be anything but the the greatest beer in the world? Wait, what’s that? It’s just rebranded Budweiser? You mean they took that same weak ricy crap and tried to pawn it off on us by wrapping it up in the flag? I’m…I’m shocked! What’s next, the NFL using the military to hype football? This is outrageous. Good God. If this is truly America in a can, maybe we really do need to make America Great Again…