Beer

That’s my own personal beer hall of fame–confined, of course, to the top of one cabinet in the corner of my kitchen by my own personal arbiter of taste–also known as the Official Wife of DFTB. If you can’t find something in that display that you like, you’re probably at the wrong place. I appreciate a well-crafted beer of just about any variety. A couple things you might notice that are missing in that picture are parings knives, citrus zesters, or anything else you might need to prepare fruit for your beer.

To be fair, some people think that adding the right fruit to a beer opens up the flavors and deepens the experience. They’re just wrong. Fruit as part of the brewing process makes some really good and interesting beers. If you have to add fruit to a finished beer to make it taste good, either the beer isn’t very good, or you don’t really like beer. Brew with all the fruit you want. Just don’t fruit the beer when you drink it.

Reviews

I’ll post reviews of beers, breweries, and all things beer here. I love to try new stuff–especially when I travel–and–living outside of Boulder, Colorado–there are plenty of good local beers to talk about.  Check out the reviews through the links below.

Bipartisan Beer Drinker’s Guide to Election Night

election-night

The obvious plan for enjoying election night with a beverage is to get as much of the cheapest beer you can find and pickle yourself into a comfortable stupor until it all goes away.

On the other hand, since we’ve made it this far, one more night of torture—er…civic duty seems in order. To make this vigil a little more palatable, DFTB has come up with official benchmarks to commemorate to help you enjoy the evening no matter who ends up winning.

Before we jump into that, though, here’s DFTB’s standard public service message—don’t try this alone. Unless you really want to snuggle up with your toilet and miss the big reveal, find yourself a partner or two. This works best as a party activity. I know I’m not making it through the whole evening knocking back 12 or 13 beers.

Now that we’ve satisfied the lawyers, let’s get to the important stuff—when do we get to drink beer? DFTB’s answer is—all night long!

Preparation

Um…buy some beer. Oh—and have a glass for each member of your group. Whenever it’s time to crack open a new beer, split it as unevenly as you can get away with, drink, and repeat at the next indicated event. Rinse in between if you are fussy.

The Benchmarks

If CNN calls to inquire, DFTB has scientifically designed this program to maximize political participation by beer drinkers on election night. Between us, it’s a way to keep sane while America either blows itself up or returns to sanity.

Scoring

The big draw on election night, obviously, is finding out who wins. Get yourself a six-pack of something appropriate to cheer on the electoral scoreboard. I’m going with Odd13’s Codename: Superfan IPA. Since there will booing and cheering as the votes come in, what better than a Superfan? I also really like this beer, so it’s not a hardship to drink a few of them. I know Superfan is a local release in Colorado so any beer you like works here. Bonus points if it has something to do with cheering or rooting. In a pinch, you could use hard root beer, but keep that to yourself.

For scoring purposes, crack open one of your Superfan equivalents when each candidate:

  • Wins their first state
  • Hits 100 electoral votes
  • Hits 200 electoral votes

One Time Events

While the electoral battle rages, we’ll need something to do during the lulls between official calls. Never fear, DFTB has you covered!

Home State

Your home state deserves a little love. Have a locally brewed beer on hand, and drink it when your state gets called. DFTB is going with the official current state of residence, but feel free to choose your state of birth is you want to be difficult. I’ve got American Lager from Boulder’s Finkel & Garf ready to pour. It’s a solid beer and—come on—it’s AMERICAN. Says so right on the can!

First Big Prize

By definition, the swing states will tell the tale of this election. According to most pre-election polls, Florida and North Carolina are the biggest prizes among the undecided states. When either candidate wins one of these big prizes, pop open a special salute. I’m going with Oskar Blue’s Mama’s Little Yellow Pils because…shiny! It’s a gold can—like a trophy! I leave you to your imagination to find a suitable substitute as needed. Envy points if you have access to Wicked Weed and Cigar City for state specific beers here.

Upset

It’s almost inevitable that a state or two (at least) will defy the prognosticators and pull an election night upset. When this happens, I’m pulling out Bell’s Two Hearted Ale. For every upset, one heart will be elated and another will be broken. OK—DFTB had Bell’s in the fridge and forgot to buy an upset beer on the shopping excursion. Please play along—it fits…in a silly lyrical poser kind of way. If you can’t find Bell’s or don’t forget to buy an upset beer, anything that evokes surprise or hearts will work here. If I’d have remembered to buy it, I would have Trinity’s Slap Yer Mammy Double IPA. As it checks in at about 10% alcohol, it’s probably just as well that I forgot…

Win or Lose

The main event of the night is the declaration of a winner. There’s no better beer to commemorate this event than Avery’s special edition Ale to the Chief…if your candidate wins. Yeah…

Never fear, though, if your candidate loses, Unibroue’s Le Fin du Monde (French for The End of the World) is the perfect beer to wash away at least the first wave of your sorrows. What’s that? Le Fin du Monde is Canadian? Well…yeah. If your candidate loses, it will be the end of the country as we know it. Both sides are telling us this. Might as well get used to the beer up north before we move there.

Concession

You didn’t think election night was over after the networks declared a winner did you? Not this year. Any concession speech—or not—promises to be almost as much of a show as the victory speech. IF one of the candidates does break down and offer a concession, drink something bitter to mark the occasion. I’m going with Upslope’s IPA.

Protest

And if they go to the lawyers, DFTB has you covered there, too. I’m pounding down a Palm Tree Caribbean-Style Lager from Odyssey BeerWerks while I book my escape. Assuming I can still see the keyboard, I’m booking the next flight to Aruba. I’m out.

Oh—and if there’s no winner on election night, pound a couple shots and go to bed. I’m thinking rum as a prelude to my inevitable Caribbean getaway.  Might as well be good and hungover along with the rest of the country when you wake up on Wednesday.

GABF Blowout

press-pass

DFTB reports on everything you wanted to know–and plenty you didn’t know you wanted to know–about the Great American Beer Festival.  Full coverage of news, reviews, ramblings, and rants…with a little irreverence thrown in, of course.

Preparing for GABF–Odd 13

Odd13’s Head Brewer, Brandon Boldt, shares the details behind their Curandero barrel-aged tamarind sour.

Preparing for GABF–Crystal Springs

Father and son Tom and Bob Horst brew up a throwback cedar-infused IPA.

GABF Alternatives–3 Floyds (and More) at Mudrocks

Mudrocks’ Kevin Reed’s industry connections help him score rare beers for GABF week.

Impressions from Day 1 at the GABF

First Beer, Best Trend, Biggest Mystery, Biggest Disappointment, Last Beer

Impressions from Day 2 at the GABF

How to Media, First Beer, Favorite Discovery, Biggest Mystery, Worst Beer, Last Beer

Tenth Circle of Hell–Beer Fruiters

Amoretti Craft Extracts threaten the very soul of craft beer!

Local GABF Winners—Front Range Brewing

Head Brewer Mitchell Nichols gives DFTB the scoop about his silver-medal-winning Piney Ridge Dunkel.

GABF Best in Show–Trump Hands to the Rescue!

Cannonball Creek wins for both humor and good beer.

Chinga Tu Pelo

Surviving the Trump phenomenon as a Latin America-inspired brewery.

On No…Bad Ideas from the GABF

Fruit Goses, Sweet Additives, Hops for Hops’ Sake, Random Barrel Aging

GABF Crowd Favorites

Cigar City, Allagash, Funky Buddha, Revolver, Wicked Weed, Black Project

Hidden Gems

Mad Anthony, Cruz Blanca, Alvarado Street, Wormtown, Fat Head’s, Topa Topa, Marble, Seabright, Tennessee Brew Works

Local GABF Winners—The Post Brewing Company

The Post’s Bryan Selders turns his convictions into GABF gold with Achtertuin Seizoen Farmhouse Ale

More Beer Articles

America

Pliny

Liliko’i Kepolo

La Cumbre Brewing

Boulder’s Other Beers, Part 1

SLO Beers

Stone Enjoy By 09.05.16

Upslope Thai Style IPA

Cooking with Beer–Green Chile

Odd 13 Rocky Melons

Lafayette Brew Fest

Cooking with Beer–Beer Can Chicken, No Can

Romero’s K9 Club and Tap House

Bell’s Two Hearted Ale

Bipartisan Beer Drinker’s Guide to Surviving and Scoring the Debate

Official Bipartisan Beer-Based Debate Score

Vertical Tasting 2014 and 2016 Avery Rumpkin

Melvin IPA

Preparing for GABF–Odd 13

Preparing for GABF–Crystal Springs

GABF Alternatives—3 Floyds (and More) at Mudrock’s

Impressions from Day 1 at the GABF

Impressions from Day 2 at the GABF

Tenth Circle of Hell–Beer Fruiters

Local GABF Winners—Front Range Brewing

GABF Best in Show–Trump Hands to the Rescue!

Chinga Tu Pelo

On No…Bad Ideas from the GABF

GABF Crowd Favorites

Hidden Gems

Local GABF Winners—The Post Brewing Company

Jester King Nocturn Chrysalis

Bipartisan Beer Drinker’s Guide to Election Night

Post Election Beer Review: Avery Ale to the Chief and Unibroue La Fin du Monde